Delicious ambiguity

“As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.” – Ecclesiastes 11:5 

“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.” – Gilda Radner 

“Just do the next thing you know to do.” – Elisabeth Elliot

Something happened this last week that put me a little on edge for the evening. A long day at work, an argument with a friend, and bam, I was an emotional rollercoaster, questioning why things happened the way they did and what I was to do about it all. 

After my mind ran through its worries to the point of exhaustion, I magnificent feeling struck me. I suddenly slowed down. I allowed myself to sit in ambiguity. For the first time in awhile, I enjoyed myself as it washed over me. 

Why this happened, I do not know, but it did have me thinking over it the next couple of days. Few people enjoy not knowing. We want knowledge, we want predictions, we want numbers and studies and set in stone plans. We want to know what the experts think. We crave right and wrong, black and white. 

We want stability in a shaken, broken world. 

Through the course of this desire for knowledge, stability and predictability become our rock. 

Funnily enough, one of the biggest themes of our lives becomes how little we know and how much is unstable. The minute we latch on to a new fact or idea, we notice how shaky in can prove to be. The minute we’re comfortable, we are thrown back into discomfort. 

When I sat in the unknown for a few minutes and noticed my sensations – not questioning what was to come or analyzing what had happened but just noticing how it felt to be in that moment – I felt extreme peace. And when I thought about how often this is not my reaction and what my behavior looks like from above, I almost laughed out loud. 

Why would we think we can control our world? What causes us to believe we could possibly understand what is, what was, and what is to come? Imagine what all our little worries and fears and attempts look like from the eyes of our Creator. 

You can’t always know the why, when, how or what. You can always know He knows. And you can laugh at yourself when you try to change that. 

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